Read Part 1 here.
If we can have a neutral stance about anger, taking it from a "bad" feeling to just one of our core basic emotions, we can start seeing and appreciating its function. Anger acts as a warning signal or a guidepost. When we start to feel angry, it's an internal cue that some invisible boundary has been crossed. These cues are extremely important. When we ignore, suppress, or judge our anger, we lose our sense of self. We have no idea what's important to us, or even who we are, if we can't allow ourselves to feel anger. Shoving anger down is like trying to hold a beach ball underwater. It will surface somehow - for some people it comes out as anxiety, confusion, self loathing, or even physical ailments.
Anger plays a crucial role then, in helping us define who we are and what is important to us. In relationship, the healthy expression of anger through clear signals and proper boundaries helps us to establish a stronger, more honest bond. It prevents us from becoming enmeshed and codependent, while allowing us to be vulnerable and open. As scary as it can seem to those of us who fear our anger, it's vitally important to respect anger, while learning to understand, control, and temper it.
The next time you feel angry, take a moment to be curious, instead of judgmental. Why am I angry? What happened just now to cause this reaction in me? What boundary is being crossed for me here? What is my anger defending? Often anger is a secondary emotion, a shield. Hovering just underneath is often a softer, more vulnerable emotion like fear, sadness, shame, or hunger. When we can notice our emotional reactions and delve a little deeper is when we can start to understand what's really going on underneath.
If this resonates with you, reach out today. Let's get started on understanding your anger.
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